We all know the story. You and your best beer drinking (or wine drinking) buddy are inseparable. Every weekend it’s you two chilling and talking. During the week you keep each other posted about weekend plans or take a moment to bitch about the daily grind. Then the inevitable happens. Some hot piece of ass comes walking in and ruins it! JUST RUINS IT! Of course it’s not the hot piece of ass’s fault, at least not solely. Your friend invites them in and your perfect duo is suddenly becoming a trio. At least that’s how it looks to begin with.
Soon though they start spending time as a duo and you are left sitting alone, crying in your beer, and feeling like that lonely pathetic person who sits in the corner of the bar looking like they are on the verge of tears. You start to understand and feel like you are the forever alone meme. All those pictures and posts make sense. Are you happy for your friend? Outwardly, yes you are. In the deep dark corners of your soul though, you have cursed the new duo. How could your bff do this to you? Why are you left all alone?
You suddenly start feeling the harsh pain of abandonment. You do what you think is best in this situation, you bite your tongue and watch as your friend slips off into a new life without you. You don’t do anything to try to remain in the person’s life you let them walk away. When they reach out, you make excuses or ignore their calls. You think you are doing the best thing by hiding behind your wall.
I’m currently in the new duo of this story. Except in this situation I feel like forever alone. Yes I am very happy in my relationship, but I need to have my separate friends. Unfortunately for me, my friends have put up their brick walls and will not talk to me. As if they need to protect themselves from the feeling of abandonment by abandoning me. What the hell is up with that? I like having the people who keep my head out of the clouds and my feet on the ground. The people who can tell me “Hey! Remember that dream, the one he doesn’t know about yet because you haven’t told him? You need to keep chasing that dream bitch!” So here are some tips on how to not be a dick, if you are the one in the new duo or the forever alone friend.
First, you must not forget the people who have been in your life for a long time. You don’t know if this relationship will last forever and it’s not smart to burn bridges by not speaking to any of your friends. Especially the people who have seen you through thick and thin. The ones who were not afraid to tell you what you needed to hear instead of what you wanted to hear. These people will be a constant support system, they may not always support every aspect of your relationship but they will support you. They will always be Team You.
Second, keep your head about you! Do not brag to all your friends about how wonderful it’s going and how the new shiny person is so perfect. It’s not that your friends don’t want to hear that things are going well, but after the millionth “We are so perfect for each other” comment is made, they are wanting to slap the shit out of you.
Third, understand that just because your friend found a new shiny person and is making some changes it doesn’t mean you are one of those changes. They may be busy with starting this new relationship, but as long as people keep trying your friendship will still be important. They are learning new things and having all those wonderful beginning conversations again. You are not being replaced in their life, just someone new is entering it.
Forth, just because your best bud is having difficulty managing their time between you, the new shiny person, and any other daily responsibilities does not mean they are writing you off. Eventually the excitement goes away and when it does you two will pick right back up where you have left off. That is the awesome thing about friendships. We may not always be available but when we are needed for each other we are there. Even if we just need that person to talk to.
Fifth, try to make an effort to get to know the new shiny person. Chances are if your friend really likes them, they are someone you will get along with also. While we are on the subject do not play games or talk shit about the new shiny person because you are jealous. Trust me you are not going to miss much in this period of time.
Sixth, if you are opposite sex friends do not automatically assume that the new shiny person will have a problem with you. Also, do not assume that if the new shiny person does have a problem with it that you will be pushed to the curb. Trust that your friend is not going to ditch you for the new shiny person because of said person’s insecurities. If they do, well that tells you what type of friendship you have. For the new duo person, do NOT drop your opposite sex friends because of the new shiny person. That’s just not classy. If your new shiny person has an issue with your opposite sex friends, that is a problem they have to deal with. While you can help them cope with their problem by being reassuring, it is really shitty to drop someone like that.
The things to remember here is even if there is an absence from each other, when you two do start talking again your conversations will be better than ever. Your advice may be seeked out. You will have more productive conversations. They will be more interested in your life and what you are doing. You will have awesome catch-up conversations. If they are indeed your friend, when you need them they will be there. Finally, every phone call will be answered or returned, because you are important.